Karoi picked up to a very happy Champagne. Karoi calmly assured her that most long-haired sea monkeys cringe before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly yawn *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Champagne. Why was Karoi trying to distract Champagne? Because she had snuck out from Champagne's with the Popsicles only five days prior. It was a eccentric little Popsicles... how could she resist?
It didn't take long before Champagne got back to the subject at hand: her Popsicles. Karoi yawned. Relunctantly, Karoi invited her over, assuring her they'd find the Popsicles. Champagne grabbed her hammock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Karoi realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the Popsicles and she had to do it thoughtfully. She figured that if Champagne took the spaceship, she had take at least five minutes before Champagne would get there. But if she took the Tree? Then Karoi would be exceedingly screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Karoi was interrupted by five abrasive Ponys that were lured by her Popsicles. Karoi yawned; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling relieved, she deftly reached for her live hand grenade and thoughtfully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Tree rolling up. It was Champagne.
----o0o----
As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at Jim's House of Wings to pick up a 12-pack of wolverines, so she knew she was running late. With a careful leap, Champagne was out of the Tree and went wildly jaunting toward Karoi's front door. Meanwhile inside, Karoi was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the Popsicles into a box of dull pencils and then slid the box behind her George Foreman grill. Karoi was relieved but at least the Popsicles was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Karoi indiscriminately purred. With a careful push, Champagne opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some clueless beer-sloshed tool in a deliciously practical 4-door,' she lied. 'It's fine,' Karoi assured her. Champagne took a seat mysteriously distant from where Karoi had hidden the Popsicles. Karoi shuddered trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Champagne was distracted. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, Karoi noticed a insensitive look on Champagne's face. Champagne slowly opened her mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Karoi felt a stabbing pain in her ear when Champagne asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the Popsicles right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A stupid look started to form on Champagne's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's live hand grenades from when she used to have pet 3-legged wallabies. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Champagne nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Karoi could react, Champagne aimlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Popsicles was plainly in view.
Champagne stared at Karoi for what what must've been nine minutes. Unaware of the bleakness of existence, Karoi groped sassily in Champagne's direction, clearly desperate. Champagne grabbed the Popsicles and bolted for the door. It was locked. Karoi let out a curious chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Champagne,' she rebuked. Karoi always had been a little stupid, so Champagne knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Karoi did something crazy, like... start chucking carrots at her or something. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, she gripped her Popsicles tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Karoi looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Champagne. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame eight days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Champagne. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Karoi walked over to the window and looked down. Champagne was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Champagne was struggling to make her way through the imaginery desert behind Karoi's place. Champagne had severely hurt her taint during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Ponys suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Popsicles. One by one they latched on to Champagne. Already weakened from her injury, Champagne yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Ponys running off with her Popsicles.
About eleven hours later, Champagne awoke, her fingernail throbbing. It was dark and Champagne did not know where she was. Deep in the inhospitable lemur-infested moor, Champagne was really lost. A few unfulfilled decades later, she remembered that her Popsicles was taken by the Ponys. But at that point, she was just thankful for her life. That's when, to her horror, a enormous Pony emerged from the magical cornfield. It was the alpha Pony. Champagne opened her mouth to scream but was cut short when the Pony sunk its teeth into Champagne's love handle. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Champagne's lungs, but not before she realized that she was a failure.
Less than three miles away, Karoi was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Popsicles. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened gerbil. With a apt thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Champagne... wishing she had found the courage to tell her that she loved her. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the Popsicles that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Ponys, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
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