It all started when our predictably heroic hero, Fluttershy, woke up in a magical cornfield. It was the first time it had happened. Feeling abundantly relieved, Fluttershy deflowered a ripened avocado, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). Ever so extemperaneously, she realized that her beloved apples was missing! Immediately she called her undeclared soulmate, Pinkie Pie. Fluttershy had known Pinkie Pie for (plus or minus) 61 years, the majority of which were curious ones. Pinkie Pie was unique. She was plucky though sometimes a little... oafish. Fluttershy called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Pinkie Pie picked up to a very glad Fluttershy. Pinkie Pie calmly assured her that most 3-legged wallabies shudder before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually flamboyantly sigh *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Fluttershy. Why was Pinkie Pie trying to distract Fluttershy? Because she had snuck out from Fluttershy's with the apples only two days prior. It was a saucy little apples... how could she resist?
It didn't take long before Fluttershy got back to the subject at hand: her apples. Pinkie Pie belched. Relunctantly, Pinkie Pie invited her over, assuring her they'd find the apples. Fluttershy grabbed her hammock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Pinkie Pie realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the apples and she had to do it aimlessly. She figured that if Fluttershy took the Jap Trap, she had take at least five minutes before Fluttershy would get there. But if she took the carriage? Then Pinkie Pie would be exceedingly screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Pinkie Pie was interrupted by two dimwitted bunnys that were lured by her apples. Pinkie Pie yawned; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling exasperated, she fearlessly reached for her dangerous oil-soaked rag and skillfully groped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the carriage rolling up. It was Fluttershy.
----o0o----
As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at Wal-Mart to pick up a 12-pack of ripened avocados, so she knew she was running late. With a quick leap, Fluttershy was out of the carriage and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Pinkie Pie's front door. Meanwhile inside, Pinkie Pie was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the apples into a box of live hand grenades and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Pinkie Pie was displeased but at least the apples was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Pinkie Pie scandalously purred. With a heroic push, Fluttershy opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some stupid rationality-deprived retard in a deliciously practical 4-door,' she lied. 'It's fine,' Pinkie Pie assured her. Fluttershy took a seat alarmingly close to where Pinkie Pie had hidden the apples. Pinkie Pie sighed trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Fluttershy was distracted. As if it really mattered Pinkie Pie noticed a selfish look on Fluttershy's face. Fluttershy slowly opened her mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Pinkie Pie felt a stabbing pain in her fingernail when Fluttershy asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the apples right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A funny-smelling look started to form on Fluttershy's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ninja stars from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Fluttershy nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Pinkie Pie could react, Fluttershy deftly lunged toward the box and opened it. The apples was plainly in view.
Fluttershy stared at Pinkie Pie for what what must've been ten days. Before anyone could take off their pants, Pinkie Pie groped exotically in Fluttershy's direction, clearly desperate. Fluttershy grabbed the apples and bolted for the door. It was locked. Pinkie Pie let out a enticing chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Fluttershy,' she rebuked. Pinkie Pie always had been a little clueless, so Fluttershy knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Pinkie Pie did something crazy, like... start chucking ninja stars at her or something. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, she gripped her apples tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Pinkie Pie looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Fluttershy. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame four days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Fluttershy. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Pinkie Pie walked over to the window and looked down. Fluttershy was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Fluttershy was struggling to make her way through the swamp behind Pinkie Pie's place. Fluttershy had severely hurt her armpit during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral bunnys suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the apples. One by one they latched on to Fluttershy. Already weakened from her injury, Fluttershy yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of bunnys running off with her apples.
But then God came down with His easygoing smile and restored Fluttershy's apples. Feeling relieved, God smote the bunnys for their injustice. Then He got in His best-in-its-so-called-'class' sedan and blasted away with the fortitude of 550,000 legless puppies running from a huge pack of venomous koalas. Fluttershy vomited with joy when she saw this. Her apples was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in four minutes her favorite TV show, All My Circuits, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When South American hissing sloths meet weapon of mass destruction'). Fluttershy was thrilled. And so, everyone except Pinkie Pie and a few hand grenade-toting legless puppies lived blissfully happy, forever after.
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